whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
