I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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