i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
