and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
