Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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