I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
