Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
