I CAN MOONWALK!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
