just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
