i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
