Will you blow on my dice?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
