I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
