the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
