I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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