What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm like, not good at living.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
