Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
