My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
