Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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