gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
