So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
