Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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