I am in a vortex of obligation.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
