i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my sisters under your porch take her home
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
