So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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