im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
