I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
