She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
