I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
