Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
