I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
