i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
