So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
