u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
