is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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