What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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