omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
