She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
