Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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