so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
