Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
