So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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