My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
