i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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