WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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