My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Two words: nipple clamps
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