I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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