Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
