i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
