That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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