You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
