My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
