fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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